Happy B-day Crystal!!!

Current mood: content This Poem is what I wrote for my best friend Crystal... "My Dear Friend" We have been friends for 12 years There has been happiness and sometimes tears I'll always love you just the same as that day you called my name. We were 12 and I was alone then we started letter-writing and talking on the phone. It has been months since I've seen you last but in my book no time has been passed. I'll always be there for you, in state or out. You can believe that without a doubt. Our lives are different and things have changed but it's like our friendship was pre-arranged. No matter what, you can always bet; Never disbelieve, never forget that I'll always love ya gurl, my dear friend. BFF forever, friends til the end. --Tierra D. Dixon

Rambling on and on...

Current mood: calm

I have many brothers and sisters, most that i've never met. My father had many kids but my mother only had 3. So, I grew up with my older sister Tamara and my younger brother Twan. Tammy and I are 4 years apart. Twan and I are 3 years apart. My sister didnt like me much when i was little so i played mostly with my little brother. He has always been my sidekick.
My Brother Twan has always been there for me when I needed him. When i broke down in Delaware, he talked to me and it helped me calm down. When I'm sad he always tries to cheer me up. He is one of my very best friends and he's still my sidekick. He's 21 years old now and doesn't really want to be seen hanging out with his older sister, but he hangs out with me anyway. We still run around the house acting like kids lol. We'll lock each other in our rooms or threaten to beat the s**t out of each other. It's always us just messing around though because we rarely fight for real. There are times that I want to slap the piss out of him and vice versa for him lol. It's okay though because I know we'll always make up and start talking again within a week. He is always telling me his secrets even though i use them against him sometimes. He'll always have my back and I'll always have his. He listens to me more than he listens to our mom. It's funny and she realizes it too so when she wants something done she'll send me to talk to him. Even though he's taller than me, he'll always be my little brother. I love him dearly and I know he feels the same!!
My siblings are very important to me. They are my family, my friends, and my support group. My sister hasnt always been around but I love her just as much as my brother. So, big hugs to them...Tammy and Twan.

Currently reading: The Survivors Club By Lisa Gardner Release date: 2003-04-29

Progress

Current mood: calm
Category: Life

I have made great progress in the last two months. I was given one more diagnosis, Social Anxiety Disorder. Wow, right? Lol, i'm pretty messed up. My counselor, Jillian, is helping me a lot. My medicine is helping. I panic less but in some ways it's still there. My number one problem is finding a job. It's so freakin hard to find a good paying job in SC right now. I shoulda stayed my ass in Delaware. lol. I had good reasons for leaving though, my mental state being one of them. My number two problem is I'm extremely lonely. I don't have many people to talk to-- which is why i look forward to talking to Jillian every week. It would be nice for that "special" guy to come along who can understand what I'm going through and be there for me. I'm not a very patient person, but i'll be patient and hope for the best. Anyways enough with my rambling. Thanks to anyone that's reading---much love!!

Currently reading: Journey By Danielle Steel Release date: 2001-10-23

How i'm doing

Current mood: anxious

It has been a long time since many people have seen me. For the past 4 months, I've been pretty much in the house. I didn't go out much and when i did it was to drive people around or take someone somewhere. I've been dealing with something that has been building up for a long time. A couple days ago i was diagnosed with Major Depression and Panic Disorder. They both are two serious Mental Disorders that have invaded my life. 2007 and 2008 were really hard years for me so now in 2009, I want to make a difference. Everyone pretty much knows what Depression is, but I'll explain Panic Disorder.

Panic Disorder is a disorder in which inappropriate, intense apprehension and physical symptoms of fear occur so frequently as to produce significant impairment. It affects everyday life. You feel like you're having a heart attack and you can't breathe. It's really scary.

Panic Disorder and Depression have kept me to myself. It's something i was ashamed of because i thought people would think i'm crazy or weird, but now i dont really care what people think about me. I want to get better for myself so I can get back on the right track. My life is at a different place than i thought it would be. With Counseling and Medication, I plan to turn things around and make 2009 a great year!! Hopefully I'll have the support of my family and close friends, but even if I dont I'll still get better and like Crystal says, 'It's a new year and a new me' so I'm gonna make the best of it.

Currently watching: The X-Files: I Want to Believe (Single-Disc Edition) Release date: 2008-12-02